Note to self: It’s time to change

Sometimes we get caught up in helping others reach/ achieve their potential. Their goals and we celebrate because as number one cheerleader, that’s what we do. We get side tracked with other peoples stuff – their journey, their purpose, visions, dreams, aspirations and goals. Nothing wrong with helping, praying and pushing for others but in that process our journey/ my journey gets lost in translation.

I have to learn that it’s ok to get in my own lane and start to focus on me. I have to discover again who I am, what my purpose is, what my aspirations are. I have to reconnect with my visions and dreams and I have to set goals that I will celebrate. I know it will be hard when you have never put yourself first, but as part of the healing and growing process, I have to learn how to do me and finally allow that passion inside of me to shine through

#Iamaworkinprogress #goingbacktomylane #Icandothis 

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Let’s Talk: Midlife Dating Pt2

Can someone please tell me why I want to bail before even trying the dating game. I actually think I am so old school and that if no one shows interests and approaches me then it must mean I’m done. I say this because I really an not the one who will make the first move no matter how fine, cute, gorgeous, did I say cute looking he is. That’s just the way it is

But having brought this up, what is your take on women talking the lead and approaching someone they find cute, handsome blah blah blah? You know they say that as we grow older, Women’s inhibitions are thrown out the window. We find our voice, know what we want (I hope) and just go for it.

Now as much as that’s empowering, liberating, exhilarating and oh so brave, I don’t see myself in that zone as yet. I actually now that I think about it, I’m not sure I’m in that place for the online stuff either. I mean I’m not sure I would know when a gentleman, yes I used the word ‘gentleman’ was interested in me. I wouldn’t know if someone was hitting on me or a friendly hello was just that, a friendly hello lol

So I guess I have to take that deep breath and go with the flow if I’m going to get anywhere, right??

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Let’s Talk: Midlife Dating

I’m trying to figure out why this topic has suddenly popped up in my radar after not thinking about it for the longest time ever. I mean I managed to bury it for so long under the banner of single and loving it, but am I or have I been lying to myself so as not to confront the whole dating thing head on. I guess I personally didn’t want to get knocked back, disappointed, having no interest come my way and so on that it was easier to just coast. Because I can freely admit I’ve been coasting with the idea of I’m ok just doing me, by myself, on my own – #singlelife all the way!

Suddenly I’m on the other side of 45 and I have started wondering if I was wrong not to get out there and mingle and how do you tackle the dating scene when you’ve been out for so long.

This thought was sparked by a recent conversation I had with a friend who asked how Is the dating going. After laughing I told her it’s non existence. I mean where does a woman my age who has been out of the dating game for a long long time (years) start 🤷🏽‍♀️. I’m not wealthy (yet! It’s coming), do not live in a fancy house or drive a fancy car (that too is on its way!). I have two children, recently became a Grandma, currently unemployed and have had health issues over the last two years – who in the right mind would put themselves out there, and yet the idea of dating again has popped up and I guess it’s time to face it head on.

I remember writing earlier in the blog about my attempts at online dating that proved disastrous and hilarious at the same time. It was a great way to while up time. However, with more and more people asking me the same thing I guess I have to address what’s up with the or should I say my dating scene.

This is hard but first things first, do I know what I want, am I aiming so high that ‘the one’ doesn’t exist. How about the fact that the dating pool is smaller in my shooting range with the ‘good ones’ married, not interested in a long term thing or just having fun after being burnt. This narrows things considerably. Coupled with the fact I’m no size 10 – 14 model, this too poses a challenge in said dating at plus 45.

Anyway, in light of all I have rambled on about in this post, I think I am going to do a series on dating and would love to hear other people’s experiences. I also need to confess that I need some company as I navigate the dating world once again – here goes

#midlifedating #singlelifenomore #notacrisisbutacrisis

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A Snippet of What’s to Come ….

I’ve reached the place In my life where I’ve heard the words one day we have to sit down to hear your story. These words have been on repeat that ring loudly in my head. Yet the debate with myself has always been what am I afraid of. What if the chaos that has always been in plain sight is revealed layer by layer. Am I ready for that kind of exposure. Over the years I’ve told snippets to an inner circle of friends and my daughters who still marvel when an accidental story gets leaked by me.

I guess to fully understand me, her story needs to be told. It’s what moulded me and in many ways was responsible for the wrong choices made in relationships and self love. However, would I be the woman I am today had it not been for the journey, no. Am I happy about the person I have become, that’s debatable. Would I change anything about my journey, I guess that’s the six million dollar question.

Hiding behind laughter and comfort eating to truly hide the vulnerable me is just the beginning. Lord help me to fill these pages in part as therapy, in part as purpose and in part as inspiration. You see if I can live through the turbulence you can too!

When Curvy is no longer Curvy

I got a rude awakening today when I went to my GP and stepped on the scale. I’ve always been a big girl and even though It would have been nice to be a size 10, I embraced my body structure. However, today I finally surrendered to the fact that my curvy is no longer sexy. I sat in the car and had a mini meltdown 😔

Being curvaceous is and will always be awesome. I am constantly in awe of how curvy queens (women) rock. The confidence, the looks and stares are a great booster for any woman out there who has had to compete with the size 8 – 10 club. But when curvy crosses the line and becomes anything but sexy then a reality check takes place and things have to be put in place to bring the sexy back. SIMPLE

I want to bring back beauty, lovely, cute, gorgeous. I want to bring back skinny jeans, tight tops and killer heels lol. I want to bring back blushing, laughter and dating! I want to bring back healthy. I want to bring Dee back

So my mission is to bring sexyback to these curves of mine. Let the work begin

#lovemyselfagain #bringconfidenceback #curves85C303E3-D111-49DE-9201-263593118650

Stealing from the cookie jar (literally)

Please can you tell me why my youngest decided to sneak up on me as I took one of her cookies this morning to have with my morning cuppa. I mean I literally jumped when she said I caught you 🤣

So I woke up for my morning prayer and reflection and decided that to cap it all would be a nice cup of tea. I went to the kitchen with the only intention to make the cuppa and move myself back to my bedroom, my sanctuary, my oasis – I’m sure you catch my drift. Anyway as I was making the said tea I heard a whisper say you know what would go nice with that, a cookie 🍪

I tried to resist, I really did but as I was walking out I heard you forgot to take me with you. So I turned around, made my way to the cookie jar and took not one but two. I know that shame of it all. All the while I was thinking I must send a message to my daughter confessing to taking her cookies. Little did I know she heard the rustling of the packet and laid in wait for me. As I turned into my corridor she shouted caught you. I know this was a you’ve been framed moment but for a split second I nearly dropped the cookies lol. I quickly gathered myself together and walked right passed her. I can still hear her laughing.

The life of a Grandma continues… Have a happy Tuesday. I know I’m definitely going to try to on my end

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Today….

Just like yesterday and the day before that, today I struggled to write. I struggled to find my wit, sense of humour. I struggled to find my voice, my pearls of wisdom. I struggled to find the individual I’m trying to birth and it put me in place I don’t like visiting.

Every now and then Ms Self Doubt surfaces along with Ms No You Can’t and Ms Quit. Those moments are harsh and hard because seemingly to the outside world I am strong, I am awesome, I am wise and I can write even if it’s just for me.

I realised that I am mid-way into the year like all of us and I’ve reached destination not again.    I don’t know how many times I’ve picked up my notebook and pen and yet the pages are blank. Yet through all these emotions pounding at my inner door I know this is one project I have to and need complete.

Writing has been my escapism, my refuge for most of my life. Just like a diary, the words I’ve written have been just for me. Isn’t it funny that now that I have decided to take a chance and write after all the encouragement from people who have read a little of my work, I find my mind has gone blank. I have nothing.

That is my today! No words, no humour, no wise and encouraging words, it’s just today

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